Holidays have never been my “friend.” Don’t get me wrong… We have a HUGE family! Both of my parents are the second to youngest in their families (Dad has four siblings, Mom has five) not to mention the fact that growing up my mom’s parents were divorced and both remarried people that had their own children (add in four more Aunts and Uncles) plus spouses and children. Of my biological family, I’m the oldest grandchild. On my dad’s side that’s only by a few months, on mom’s, there’s almost a ten year age gap! We moved around a lot when my parents were married but my grandparents stayed where they were, at least while I was younger. We would have HUGE get-togethers for Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I think I generally didn’t like the holidays as much because we usually had to drive a ways and I would tend to get car-sick. Dad’s driving and too much sparkling cider!!! In 2000 I lost my first grandparent, my mom’s father. I know it’s rather funny to think about the story of Heidi and how it’s about a relationship with her crusty old grandfather and the fact that my favorite person on earth was my Grandpa Bill, but sometimes that’s just how life works. After he died, I could have cared less about holidays at all. Holidays are a lot of work! You work to make money to buy food and gifts and nice furniture and special dishes all so people can get together and make a horrible mess! Factor in that I lost two more grandparents around those “fabulous” winter holidays and didn’t have my first child till a year-and-a-half ago, I was a pretty Grinchy girl. I liked to tell people that I just emotionally shut down from Halloween till St. Patty’s Day. Sure, I would go through the motions, showing up with whatever I was asked to contribute, but I don’t feel like my heart was ever in it. Some things in life just are what they are.
Last year, for Sam’s first Christmas, we went to Disneyland. That was my idea start to finish. I didn’t just want to be “away” I wanted to be in the Happiest Freaking Place on Earth! Was it happy? I wouldn’t go that far, we did have fun and I can admit, it wasn’t any worse than anywhere else. You have to remember, we are Disney Fanatics!!! The lines were not as long as other people were complaining about. The weather wasn’t too bad until it started pouring down rain and the park blew a breaker and half the park had to be evacuated. I had fun that day, but it wasn’t “really” Christmas… We agreed that while the experience was what we wanted and we did all have fun, we wouldn’t do it again, not on Christmas Day.
So, what is this all about? The other day I realized I might be looking forward to the holidays. I kind of like the cold but I really love the smells! Cinnamon and pine, hot soups and fresh breads. I’m still not looking forward to the decorating (and subsequent clean-up) but I am looking forward to spending time with family, something that, even though I work with my brother and dad every day, we can just never get enough of.
I am not looking forward to the fact that the doctors have moved up my delivery date to the 2nd of January, that’s just a little too close to Christmas for me, but at the end of the day, no matter how much we invest in our holiday season I will be looking forward to the little things.
Kneading, Reading, Streaming